The Incorporated States of The Pheonixes is a huge, efficient nation, ruled by The Onceler with an iron fist, and renowned for its parental licensing program, complete absence of social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 984 million Pheonixesians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Industry also on the agenda, while Welfare and International Aid aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Golden Pyramid. The average income tax rate is 26.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Pheonixesian economy, worth 95.3 trillion Solid Tearss of Fire a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Trout Farming. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 96,843 Solid Tearss of Fire, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

The national anthem's only purpose is to inflate The Onceler's ever-expanding ego, small shoes often wash up on the beach, running a hot dog stand is harder than achieving a doctorate, and diplomatic missions typically end with a flurry of childish insults, accusations and phlegm. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Pheonixes's national animal is the Pheonix-Dragon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

The Pheonixes is ranked 214,647^th in the world and 305^th in The League for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -4.47 on the Clooney Contribution Index.